Of Hope and Pope

• I hope the next time you are at the Picadilly Circus Itsu, you order soya sauce with less polonium (and not less sodium like I usually do)
• I hope Gillette gives a generous gift hamper to Yousuf before his record-breaking feat makes him heavy headed
• Pope didnt gave a ratz inger* to all those death threats and went without a bullet proof vest to Turkey. Bravo, bravo!
  

*Unofficial sources (read Bundar) tell me inger means ass in German

Timepass

Heather Mills: Generation GAP
Heather Mills & McCartney: Generation gap

Big B: Kaun Banega Crorepati
SRK: Khan Banayega Crorepati *

James Bond's hit list: Craigslist **

Britney's DINK: Double Issues No Kevin!
and saving the best one for the last

Kevin Federline is Britney's latest Pop single!

* SRK is slated to be the new host of KBC
** Adaptation of Bundar's PJ

Lazy I

I was completely fascinated when somebody told that my occasional squint eye actually had a medical term - lazy eye. Its as if an eye occasionally develops A I (a eye), and refuses to obey you! Technically, lazy eye is something else and the correct medical term for my occasional squint is Crossed Eye. In any case, it would be so handy if it actually extended to other body parts...unless you have Lazy Hands
Imagine you are watching cricket or NFL with utmost interest and your services are called for elsewhere, then "Honey, I would like to get up but I suddenly have a lazy leg" is such a perfect excuse. Maybe all those sadhus sitting cross legged have an extreme case of this syndrome and start meditating for lack of a better alternative.
Even better, lazy ears (crossed ears would make you feel like a bunny rabbit) is so much cooler than "selective hearing" and so much more convenient than the lazy leg excuse!
I am hoping this becomes an accepted medical condition! Then, I can be just me, the Lazy I. Keeping my fingers crossed...

Udder Nonsense

I found this very amoosing sight in the English countryside recently. A couple of cows on a purpose-built bridge over the motorway making their way to the other pasture. This is really taking free range to ridiculous levels. Wonder what's the motivation for those cows? Were they thinking lets cross the bridge when it comes? Maybe, those cows think the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe those cows had a date in their dairies (yeah, not diaries).

Beatle battle

Paul McCartney may have Penny Lane to his credit, but I have these punny lines to mine

• What went wrong between Paul and Heather? They lost their pH balance
• Who's tarnishing Heather's image? The rumour mills

I am just waiting to see the inevitable headline when the divorce is formal - Heather Milks McCartney!

Rhinos are dumb

A white rhino was recently killed by UK troops in northern Kenya. Needless to say, the rhino was a threat to democracy and freedom.
Jokes apart, if an intruder breaks into your territory, then shoots you and claims he did it in self-defense, would you be happy if his claim was given legal backing? For one, you would be dead. So, your opinion doesnt matter but I dont think the rhino was too happy being shot by trespassers. The bottomline is that rhinos have no animal rights at all. I know for sure black bucks have animal rights - ask Salman Khan if you don't believe me.

If at all these rhinos wish to survive, I suggest a 3-horned strategy
a) Drop the sarus: History has proved that having sarus in your name (dino, tyranno, stego are just a few examples) is a sureshot road to extinction
b) Evolve: Develop thicker bullet-proof skin, although this is a very far shot. If rhinos were capable of evolution, they would have improved their vision by now. My grandma with cataract can see better than a rhino!
c) Multiply: Among those 200 surviving white rhinos, is it so hard to fine one really HORNy rhino???

If these rhinos are so dumb that they dont know how to blow their own horn, they probably deserve to be extinct.

Your opinions are welcome while I go explore my business venture, Rhinos R Us.

Trump in I-Banks

I was just wondering what Trump's punch line would be if The Apprentice was set in investment banks

@Merrill
You are lynched

@Goldman
You are sacked

@Lehman
Leave man