Life is good again

The Ctrl key had dropped off from my HP laptop a couple of months ago. It uncovered a plumbing weaker than the Victorian pipes being replaced by Thames water. But, I decided to carry on and not let one little irritating nipple (on the key board, of course) distract my work. In due course, I realized that the left Ctrl key is as essential as the thumb finger. Finally, I decided to call HP customer service and I got the replacement part. Life is normal again. I guess I am just a control freak!

Humour...

I recently met a guy who had been working in the same office building for 23 years. Then, he was telling me about his colleague, "K.... has been working here a little longer than me, 28 years actually which is more than what you get for murder"

A little birdie told me...

I have heard chirping sounds in the middle of the night quite a few times over the last few days. I am not a bird expert but I don't think owls sound that pleasant although it doesn't sound all that pleasant when you are trying to sleep. These birds must be migratory birds with jet lag!

Bush's speech

I agree that the terms 'Bush's speech' , 'England cricket-team','Serious GoGo' are all oxymorons but Bush will deliver the State of the Union speech anyway.
I believe Bush is going to say "Our union is no different that other unions such as T&G that strike regularly. We will continue to strike targets in Afghanistan and Iraq..."

X It

My theory for Fidel Castro not making a public appearance in months is that he is glued to his X-box. I am told he is terminally ill

© Guru

Posed here without permission from the © owner, Guru

Q. No one knows at what time they release water at the Tungabadra Dam...Why??

A. 'cos its TBD :)

Patel Bhai's PC

I wouldn't blame you if you thought I meant Patel Bhai's Personal Computer. Our local desi grocery store has this humongous number crunching machine at the check-out desk which spits out a bill that typically looks like

Indian Grocery £1.79
Indian Grocery £1.59
Indian Grocery £1.09
TOTAL £4.47

Next time, you are in London, be sure to visit The Calculator Museum of London on Drummond Street and watch Patel Bhai's Personal Calculator in action!

Bush's Iraq 'Dev' plan

Bush pulled a Kapil Dev by saying boost is the secret of my energy

It's an H.C. Order

Venezuela was, is and will be in a Hugo Chavez order for some time to come. He was sworn in for a third time today. The chief justice asked Hugo "Do you swear by the holy Bible that you will truthfully ....?". Hugo replied "You are damn right, you b*$%^. I have been swearing since 1999. Ching@ su .... Ching@....Ching@....Ching@ %%*#". Ok, I just made that up. I swear, English language is so confusing. Pope Benedict ver. XVI was installed a couple of years ago, so was my spyware ver2.0 software. Have I made my displeasure clear for seeing 'install' and 'swear' in unexpected contexts?

I was reading up on this guy, Hugo.

• His first stab at politics was a failed coup attempt in 1992, which makes him good at sudoku (pseudo coup, really).
  
• Hugo is a corrupt dude. Remember the Harry Belafonte song "Matilda. Matilda. She take me money and run Venezuela". I can probably write a song "Hugo C. Hugo C. Takes the money and runs Venezuela" sung to the same tune as Matilda.
  
• But he has balls of steel - not because he had 2 wifes, 1 rakhel and 4 daughters. He dares to call President Bush 'the devil' which probably makes Alberto Gonzales 'the devil's advocate'.
  
• He calls Fidel Castro his guru. It will probably spare him from the Taleban as they don't wage jihads against Fidels but not from the rest of the world.
  

We all know Socialism's ultimate destination is Communism, Hugo. And, he is making it perfectly clear Venezuela is comming.

NYC Stinking

Apparently, many parts of NYC and New Jersey is having a strange 'gas-like' smell in the air. Has anyone looked for clues on the top of Empire State Building. Maybe King Kong is just having a bad digestive day. Or, did Michael Strahan forget to use Right Gaurd again? Oh Mikey, Mikey

Jasus in the name of Jesus

The Archbishop of Warsaw, Stainslaw Wieglus, finally admitted that he has been suffering from sickle :) cell syndrome for the last 20 years. I am only saddened that there are no child-abuse accusations on this guy. Otherwise, "Warsaw Powers: The spy who shagged me", would have been a perfect movie title.

p.s: Jasus to be pronounced Jasoos
p.p.s: Did anyone get the sickle funda?

General Nonsense

Q. Whats the reason for the delay in processing my visa?
A. Because the Home Office is jealous I have one too!

Q. Why would Congress(I) never win an election in the US?
A. Because their party symbol says "Talk to the Hand" !

Q. Whats the name of President Bush's pet parrot?
A. Nouri Maliki

M&M

Could Kate Moss ever get hooked to Mic Jagger? Probably not. The saying goes - A rolling stone gathers no moss (kindly adjust spelling here). But if she did, that would be the end of her anorexia as Moss grows fat on a Rolling Stone.
If this was Scott Adams' blog, he would classify this blog as 'General Nonsense' :)

Happy New Year

How do you raise a toast to James Bond?
2 007