This is a joke!!

Lillywhites has a sale!!

50 cent or 50 billion?

I cant believe this is my 50th blog! So, in honor of fidy and the filthy...
If Fidy became President of USA, he would be the Commanda-in-Chief
If Paris Hilton became President though, she would be the Commando-in-Chief

Yeh Ka Hai?

What's an auto-rickshaw with 4 wheels?
Did you guess Maruti 800? Sorry, think again
Did you say Smart Car? No, That's a real car

Let me rephrase,
What looks like a car, sounds like a car but its too small to be called a car and still costs you upto £10000?
Its Ford KA!!

KA .. stopping short of a Kar

007 B.C.

Christian conspiracy theories have always fascinated me and there was an interesting TV show on Christmas day - "The Secret Family of Jesus - The conspiracy theory that Dan Brown and others missed". A part of the thoery is that Jesus had an elder brother - James, the Just. I couldn't help myself imagining him introducing himself as "Hi. I'm James. Just James" - lol!
Gogo, the Blogger

If Santa was Banta

On this Christmas day, I was wondering if the truth has been misrepresented for centuries thanks to a typo. What if Santa was actually Banta? I find Santa Claus strikingly similar to Guru Nanak, and I think my Banta theory holds more water than St. Nicholas. If the Banta theory had lived from day 1, then we would be hearing Jingle balle balle!*

* Santa CLAUSE: The comments mean no disrespect to any religion. Peace and Latte to A(ll)men

Meddle East

First, they coined the term 'Axis of Evil' - Iraq, Iran and North Korea. Obviously, whoever coined this term had no idea of georgraphy or geometry because these 3 countries don't form a straight line. They tackled Iraq and now there are more eruptions on a daily basis than all active volcanoes combined. If you are an "average" Iraqi, (a "mean" Iraqi. Talking of statistics, median is actually an anagram of Medina. Hmm, interesting) the chances of you getting killed when you make that routine trip to your neighborhood souk is only slightly less than the chances of an UK resident getting killed by the MRSA superbug at his/her nearest NHS hospital. So, you can imagine how dangerous Iraq is!!

Now, the attention has turned to Iran (North Korea tried to attract attention many times but they cant get their rockets to fly higher than the Sivakasi rockets). I was wondering why Blair went to Palestine this week. He went there to call upon on the moderate Muslim states to form an alliance over Iran. I wonder why nobody has called this strategy 'The Blair Doctrine' (Blair Witch Project has been beaten to death already). Here is my take on this

The root cause lies in the bickering between 10 and 11 Downing Street (For the uninitiated, 11 is Gordon Brown's residence). Gordon Brown has been pestering Blair to step down just like an overenthusiastic 13 year old going 'Daddy, daddy,I want to drive your car' ....but Blair has been going 'Nahi beta, you are not ready'. So, irritated with his neighbor, Blair thought "Who do I hate most right now? Iran, isin't it? I will ask all of Iran's neighbors to gang up against Iran and cause trouble. Then, Gordon will have a bigger headache than mine to solve. 2 birds with 1 stone. He he he he he. I will have the last laugh before I step down". Blair is preaching the opposite of 'Love thy neighbor'. When have neighbors been solutions anyway? See Desperate Housewives, for example.

I wonder if Bush and Blair read 'Middle East' as 'Meddle East'...

White or Brown?

Whats common to the Bush govt and Madras coffee?

PJ = Palestine Joke

BBC says: Palestinian factions (Fatah and Hamas) 'agree deal'

GoGo sees: Feta and Humus on the same plate, with olives inbetween. How about that for starters?

PJ = Prophet Joke

Q. Why did the Prophet avoid desi restaurants at lunch time?

A. 'cos the Prophet prefers 'Allah Carte'

Vain Rooney

If I had to read an autobiography 'My story so far', I would like it to be inspiring and enlightening. If the author is 'Mr.Death-so-near', then maybe he has decades of wisdom to pass on. If the author is a 21 year old, cocky, short-tempered, millionaire kid with plenty of God given talent to kick ball, it makes me think what could possibly be in the book? What could this guy write when he can barely read? He bought his mansion because he read the nearby 'Admiral Rodney' pub as 'Admiral Rooney' & he liked the idea. Maybe he is going to reveal how happy he is to finally drink legally. Maybe this is all about finally going past those stressful teenage years. Maybe that broken ankle has finally healed?
Wayne, you are so vain

Kill Gillette Buyers

I think I have figured out what Scotland Yard hasn't in the mysterious death of Alexandar Litvinenko. How did he get radioactive material in his body? Why are so many other people from bar staff to random people in Germany testing positive for polonium210?









Before ...............After

See, all that hair is missing. It must be the razor. And, not any ordinary razor. I declare the new Gillette Fusion gill(et)te!








The (radioactive) Fusion process*
- The first blade is ice-cold making the hair stand up
- The second one cuts the hair
- The third blade scares the hell out of the remaining hair
- The fourth blade gets angry that the hair is getting scared and decides to cut your skin
- The fifth blade inserts polonium-210 under your skin
- Finally the lubrastrip seals the skin making it look like a clean shave

All those people testing positive for small quantities probably just shaved their moustache or beard. This fella tried to tonsure - and he ended up Gillettening himself!

p.s: For the not so discerning reader, read the title again - Kill Gillette Buyers

*Borrowing a theme from the Blue Man Group show

Fiji Masters

The military coup in Fiji, got me thinking about Vijay Singh (who is from Fiji, btw)
a) Why cant Vijay get Fiji renamed to Viji? Then he could say, "I'm Viji (sounds like) from Viji". Its either Vijay or these coups that make the news anyway. I think its only fair (unlike Vijay)
b) Why Vijay hasn't bought Fiji - at the very least half of those 800 islands? His earnings probably exceeds the GDP of Fiji. He can then be one of the Fiji Masters!

Pause-ible

Those of you who know P know that P definitely doesn't stand for patience. Yesterday, P in a very stressed out, nabdu state of mind yells at me "You are impossible!".
I retorted "Not impossible. I'm possible. You gotto respect punctuation. You need to pause for the apostrophe and the space. I know your patience is razor thin, but you cannot skip punctuation........"
The stress was gone, Amrutanjan style :)

aD

Guess what I am trying to convey from the title
Clue: Cricket news

Humour

Inspired by QQ's post, thought I would share a few Brit anecdotes

I had a meeting with a business partner firm and they had sent their driver (and company car, ofcourse) to Gatwick airport to pick me up. During the ride, I was trying to make conversation with the driver and asked him "So, how many people work in this office?". It's probably funnier the way the answer was delivered but you have to imagine the driver saying this in a slow Brit accent "If people aaask me that question, I uuusually say about half of them" :)

In my previous company, they had a system of formally training all new hires in a bootcamp program and throwing a dinner party for all the bootcamp graduates. At the end of the dinner party, anybody could come to the stage and share their thoughts. Most of the speeches were serious crap about how they enjoyed the bootcamp program and how fun the company is and blah blah blah. One Brit guy walked over the stage and says
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I ask you all to rise please?"
About 100 of us, including Senior Directors and VPs stand up
"Can I ask all of you to raise your glasses please?"
All of us lifted our wine glasses in air
"To the queen"
and he walks off the stage as if oblivious of the crowd!

This was during a 2 week guided tour in an ancient country. The group comprised of 3 Aussies, 3 Desis, 2 Brits and 1 Kiwi. The first thing the tour guide asked was "Are you all from the same country?". One of the Brits goes "We were" !!

On a cruise in the Thames, the guide points in the general direction of Downing Street and said "That's where our Prime Minister lives..." and after a 2 second pause ".. George W Bush"!!!!!!

Kan Go ROOng

I remember Dravid saying once "We know its not possible to win a test match without getting 20 wickets". Well, the Ricky Ponting XI have burnt that Dravidian theory to ashes (duh! pun very much intended). 551/6 decl. in the first innings and you still lose! How is it possible? Did the English players take performance degrading drugs? Polonium-210? Or was it the potential military coup in *nearby* Fiji? It was just not Freddie that was (flint) off - it was a team effort to snatch a loss from the jaws of a draw. Warne's leg spin sent England in a tailspin. I wouldn't be suprised if the entire English cricket team follow the Trescothick way home and forfeit the Ashes - if this cannot cause stress, I dont know what else can! Freddie and his team dont have to go looking for the Grinch this Christmas. If something Kan Go Roong, it will - atleast for the English cricket team.

Mad..Madder...Maddy

I thought I would share a few of Maddy's originals

Plastic Humour:

Maddy and I at a restaurant. Lunch done. So are 2 bottles of house wine. Waiter brings the bill and then I put my credit card on the table. As the waiter is taking the bill and the credit card away, Maddy says
"Is it safe to give him the credit card? Are you sure he is a secure server?"
I think it was the house wine speaking ....

Mr. Saarang:

This is part of the Mr.Saarang competition that happens during the IIT-M cultural festival - Saarang

Jury to Maddy "You are totally in love with girl, but she has a boyfriend. What will you tell the guy?"
Maddy (in Tamil) "Dei. Orru naal adjust panniko da"
Translation for the non-Tams "Dude. Please adjust for one day"

Witty, but not good enough to be invited to the girls hostel day :)

Small Chief

Why is it good for the Indian cricket team to get diarrhoea?

Of Hope and Pope

• I hope the next time you are at the Picadilly Circus Itsu, you order soya sauce with less polonium (and not less sodium like I usually do)
• I hope Gillette gives a generous gift hamper to Yousuf before his record-breaking feat makes him heavy headed
• Pope didnt gave a ratz inger* to all those death threats and went without a bullet proof vest to Turkey. Bravo, bravo!
  

*Unofficial sources (read Bundar) tell me inger means ass in German

Timepass

Heather Mills: Generation GAP
Heather Mills & McCartney: Generation gap

Big B: Kaun Banega Crorepati
SRK: Khan Banayega Crorepati *

James Bond's hit list: Craigslist **

Britney's DINK: Double Issues No Kevin!
and saving the best one for the last

Kevin Federline is Britney's latest Pop single!

* SRK is slated to be the new host of KBC
** Adaptation of Bundar's PJ

Lazy I

I was completely fascinated when somebody told that my occasional squint eye actually had a medical term - lazy eye. Its as if an eye occasionally develops A I (a eye), and refuses to obey you! Technically, lazy eye is something else and the correct medical term for my occasional squint is Crossed Eye. In any case, it would be so handy if it actually extended to other body parts...unless you have Lazy Hands
Imagine you are watching cricket or NFL with utmost interest and your services are called for elsewhere, then "Honey, I would like to get up but I suddenly have a lazy leg" is such a perfect excuse. Maybe all those sadhus sitting cross legged have an extreme case of this syndrome and start meditating for lack of a better alternative.
Even better, lazy ears (crossed ears would make you feel like a bunny rabbit) is so much cooler than "selective hearing" and so much more convenient than the lazy leg excuse!
I am hoping this becomes an accepted medical condition! Then, I can be just me, the Lazy I. Keeping my fingers crossed...

Udder Nonsense

I found this very amoosing sight in the English countryside recently. A couple of cows on a purpose-built bridge over the motorway making their way to the other pasture. This is really taking free range to ridiculous levels. Wonder what's the motivation for those cows? Were they thinking lets cross the bridge when it comes? Maybe, those cows think the grass is greener on the other side. Maybe those cows had a date in their dairies (yeah, not diaries).

Beatle battle

Paul McCartney may have Penny Lane to his credit, but I have these punny lines to mine

• What went wrong between Paul and Heather? They lost their pH balance
• Who's tarnishing Heather's image? The rumour mills

I am just waiting to see the inevitable headline when the divorce is formal - Heather Milks McCartney!

Rhinos are dumb

A white rhino was recently killed by UK troops in northern Kenya. Needless to say, the rhino was a threat to democracy and freedom.
Jokes apart, if an intruder breaks into your territory, then shoots you and claims he did it in self-defense, would you be happy if his claim was given legal backing? For one, you would be dead. So, your opinion doesnt matter but I dont think the rhino was too happy being shot by trespassers. The bottomline is that rhinos have no animal rights at all. I know for sure black bucks have animal rights - ask Salman Khan if you don't believe me.

If at all these rhinos wish to survive, I suggest a 3-horned strategy
a) Drop the sarus: History has proved that having sarus in your name (dino, tyranno, stego are just a few examples) is a sureshot road to extinction
b) Evolve: Develop thicker bullet-proof skin, although this is a very far shot. If rhinos were capable of evolution, they would have improved their vision by now. My grandma with cataract can see better than a rhino!
c) Multiply: Among those 200 surviving white rhinos, is it so hard to fine one really HORNy rhino???

If these rhinos are so dumb that they dont know how to blow their own horn, they probably deserve to be extinct.

Your opinions are welcome while I go explore my business venture, Rhinos R Us.

Trump in I-Banks

I was just wondering what Trump's punch line would be if The Apprentice was set in investment banks

@Merrill
You are lynched

@Goldman
You are sacked

@Lehman
Leave man

Bill parcels Indy

Want headlines for ind vs dal game?

Colts see stars in lone star state
Colts play like cowgirls
Colts quartered in(to) 4 quarters
Peyton, You were supposed to be manning
Colts run out of horsepower

I cant believe Indy lost to bloody Cowboys. Btw, who the f is T. Romo?

Scott-Ish Right!

Today's blog is not about Mel Gibson in Braveheart fighting for Scotland's rights. The only thing Scottish about today's blog's title is the way Sean Connery would say 'is'. My philosophical brevity for today is that

Scott is right and I dont care if the rest of the world disagrees

If you don't have this in your bookmarks, you either don't have a sense of humour or you like being unjust to yourself

This message is brought to you by Gogo, and not approved by Scott Adams

PriestLee News

The Geezt:
Zambian archbishop marries a Korean woman. Suddenly, realizes a whole new meaning for "Oh my God!". Other Catholics see it as a good alternative to the altar boys. "Balls to the celibacy rule" issue goes to Vatican city. Ratzinger thinks "Papa Pope? Not a bad idea! Is it too late? Hmm. Was it actually Virgin Marry?". But, then Vatican decides not to amen(d) any rules. Zambian archbishop starts new organization Married Priests Now (MPN)

I was able to conclude two salient things from this news
a) Zambia is a real country, not just an answer for Name-Place-Animal-Thing
b) There are dry cleaning stores in Zambia

I also happened to get a brief preview into the MPN Constitution

• Da Vinci Code is our Bible
• Soul is in Seoul - When you are in Korea, do the Koreans
• Christmas carols will be sung in karaoke
• About family values: I am part of my Kim & Kin
• I decide Vat I Can do, not the Vatican

I will be happy to report further as more details of the constitution become available

Modesty? Aur Main? Kabbheee Nahi

Quoting a colleague of mine...

Contrary to popular opinion, I do NOT know everything

:)

PJ Time

Just heard it on Al Jeera, the food network channel in the Middle East

Guess how Saddam likes his eggs for breakfast?

p.s: madamjee - you are not allowed to guess :)

Kaun Banega Britneypati?

I am very sad to announce the season finale of the popular celebrity reality show Kaun Banega Britneypati? How often to you find a crook, a backup dancer and an aspiring White rapper - all in one package? Contrary to the other popular & mindless TV show Who wants to be a millionaire?, the star player of this show, Kev-Fed is actually leaving behind 2 life lines (Sean & Jayden). I hope people appreciate Kev-Fed's performance under extreme pressure as the clock had been ticking for the 24 year host. (I actually thought Curb your Enthusiasm would you have been a more appropriate name for the show) You would think Kev-Fed is greedy and like to use the 50:50 option now, but under the terms & conditions of the show, Kev-Fed gets a paltry $2million and a Ferrari which is really like a 1:50 option. Shame on all you disgusting people who thought he would use the Phone a Friend or Poll the Audience option just to keep the show going on for more seasons. Its not all that disappointing really. There is still another $121 million in the bank. We might have a new reality show Kaun Kahega Papa Razi? or Who wants to be Fatherline?

Amidst all the suspense about the precise details of the season finale, please take a moment to update the superlatives in your vocabulary

Dumb: Dumber: Britney Spears
Smart: Smarter: Kevin Federline

Prince (of) Wails for the Albatross

Here are some of the reactions to Prince Charles's "Save the Albatross" appeal to the world.

(Angry) Camilla: "I can take care of myself!"

Bush: "Can we add Republicans to the list?"

Kerry: "Sorry. I cant save my own ass"

Pope: "I would if you were AlbaCross"

Albatrosses: "Liar! You didnt even save Di"

Taking the Mickey out of Donald

SEINFELD vs RUMSFELD

Stand-up comedian Can barely stand-up

Hangs out with bald George Hangs out with bad George

Wit ... defined Wilt ... defined

Jerry Geriatric

Uses vintage cars Uses vintage tanks

(Porshe)911 drives him crazy 9/11 drove him crazy

Mets fan Hasn't met a fan

Hates Newman Hated old man

p.s: 'Taking the Mickey out of' is a Brit phrase which basically means 'Making fun of'

Veggie Tuna!

True story at a pub in England where they had tuna sandwich marked as a veggie item on the menu

Me: "Since when did Tuna become veggie?"

Barman: "There are 2 types of vegetarians - those you eat dairy products and those who dont. You know what I mean?"

Me: "What sort of cow do you milk to get tuna?"

Barman: "Thats not what I meant, but if there was a cow like that you could make a lot of money"

Saddann Death

Why is there a second trial for Saddam? He already got a death sentence. Are they going to give him another death sentence now? If they have to honor both sentences and Circuit is the executioner, I can imagine him saying "Uth be! Tujhe phir se maarne ka hai". But, how can they honor both sentences? Hang him with 2 nooses? Or maybe the second sentence is going to be death after death. I wonder if thats what you call a death row.

PJ Time

1. Why don't the Clintons move back to Arkansas?

2. How does Guy Ritchie order a virgin drink?

The Red Continent

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Africa, the Dark Continent, is turning into a Red Continent. This is not due to American Express RED or any of the other RED initiatives. This is not some 'Bangalore to Bengaluru' type transformation, either. Its not because of global warming causing red hot temperatures, either. If you want to argue with me that Red is a dark color too, then trust me - its going to get a few shades lighter over time. I am no Nostradamus, but if you flip Africa in the Atlas 50 years from now, this is what you are going to see
Yes, people. China is taking over Africa! After making everything from needles to dining tables on the Wal-mart retail aisles, China now wants to make continents! China is massively expanding business with Africa and Chinese colonialism is just around the corner. Didnt British colonialism in India start with trade? And, then Mumbai became Bombay, Bengaluru became Bangalore, etc.

Watch out people! The days of Swahi Lee being a person & a language are not very far away. Cape Town will be renamed to China Town. Nairobi will be Nailobi, Darfur will be Dalfool, Serengeti to Selengeti - you get the idea but the biggest change of them all - Africa to AFLICA!! There will be no need for Fairtrade coffee any more as Aflicans would have given up coffee for tea and coffee will be only slightly more important than human waste in the average Aflican's mind. Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon moves will be inherent to all NBA players making terms such as Air Jordan move to fine print of basketball history. Of course you cannot avoid the arrival of Wei Obasanjo, Dwayne Hsing, Shaquille Chui, etc. Not all Hsings and Chuis on business trips will actually know they sprouted Dwaynes and Shaquilles. So, more and more Chinese will die of AIDS and actually serve as a population control mechanism. Human rights will be left behind. The world will be what the Chinese want it to be.

Brace yourself for the new Karliyug! Bye now, its time for my Mandarin classes ...

Rawalpindi Express Derailed

Did anyone read the full text of the ban imposed by PCB on The Rawalpindi Express? Its a long article and if at all you missed the most important piece - the id of Shoaib Akhtar's urine sample was 189638. The reasons for a 2 year ban are interesting "He [Shoaib] drinks alcohol, has an active sex life and he's been part of anti-doping awareness programmes." And, why only 1 year for Mohammad Asif for the same offence? "We decided to ban him for a year because his English is not that good, he comes from a remote village where he would not have been educated on the dangers of drugs in sport and so he doesn't understand". The message is not even subtle, its crystal clear! Shoaib gets 2 years because the board is jealous he has an active sex life and Asif gets 1 year so that he can learn English.

In the full text, did you look at the number of dietary supplements Shoaib takes
1. BLAZE XTREME (a fat burning supplement): Ramesh Powar could use quite a few of these
2. SIZE ON (cell volumizer): Mohamamed Kaif should definitely consider these, atleast in an injection form around his cheek bones
3. T-Bomb II (Its like Testosterone on Testosterone): Parthiv Patel definitely needs this !!
4. NITRON5 (boosts strength, muscle pumps and blood flow): Javagal Srinath used to exhaust all the curd rice energy from dinner in the very first over. He could have definitely used these

and not to mention the "off the cuff" supplements and herbal medicines he was taking based on general wisdom so wide spread in Rawalpindi. General wisdom, lol! (Or is it General as in General Pervez Musharaff?)

Is the 2 year ban fair? If its 1 day (1 hour) for every time he chucked the ball, its highly unfair (totally fair). If its for performance enhancing drugs, then I am sure you cannot counter Malaysia's pee testing ex-pee-rtise! Just to play devil's advocate, I would like to extend the Australian Muslim cleric's general wisdom: If you find performance enhancing drugs in a urine sample, is it the urine's fault or the person who provided the sample? I think its the urine's fault. Personally, I would get all charged up and strange chemical reactions happen inside my body when I take long flights, say for example, from Pakistan to Malaysia. So, I wouldn't necessarily blame the urine either. If you have to ban anything/anyone at all, ban Shoaib's samples please.

Ghost Post

Dear All,
Since I suffer from triskaidekaphobia I will not be posting my 13th post. I apologize for any inconvenience and/or disappointment caused to any body due to this phobia
GoGo

I love politics!

I remember seeing 'Chaudhivi ka Chand' for the first (and only time, thank goodness) time on TV because that was part of an all night election coverage anchored by Prannoy Roy. This was more than 15 years ago. I simply love following politics and had a ball when Kerry and Bush were trading punches 2 years ago. I was so mad that John Kerry lost, but at the same time I loved the way Republicans so successfully branded Kerry as an indecisive flipper! The run-up to the next US Presidential elections is just about warming up and already we have plenty of action!

Kerry, speaking to a group of California university students on Monday, said: "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well." So far so good. Then he thought he can be funny. He added "If you don't you get stuck in Iraq". Ha ha ha!

Now, the Republicans and Bush are all over Kerry asking him to apologize as his comments were insulting to the troops.

I think Kerry should apologize. Kerry, if you are reading my blog, this is what you should have said "You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you dont, you become the president of the United States"

I also suggest that the Republicans should be relentless until Kerry apologizes. If Kerry doesnt budge, then you should take a cue from Gabbar and create a fake E.Coli alert for all 57 varieties of Heinz sauces. They could even break Heinz ketchup bottles and say Naach Theresa Naach but that would become too close to Bollywood style.

I am sure Kerry realizes his faux pas. As they say, Heinz sight is 20/20 :-)

p.s: Answer to yesterday's Q was tuber-collosus

Picky Me

There was an article in BBC recently about nonsensical English signs in China that they are trying to clean-up ahead of the Beijing Olympics. On a related note, we recently came across an extremely funny menu in a Thai restaurant

"Lunch special: Flat rice noodles in black bean sauce guarded by spring rolls" !!
"Seafood special: ..... crab married with shrimp ...."

But, how perfect are the signs in London ahead of the 2012 Olympics?

This is the actual sign at the end of each carriage in the London Underground trains

"Lower window for ventilation"

I wonder if the upper window is for suffocation! The trouble is that there is only one window. It should really read

"Lower the window for ventilation".

Maybe I am picky, but I would expect perfect English in the motherland of English!!

Now, PJ time ...

If I travel by the London underground, does it make me a tuber ?

Q. What would you call a giant potato?

A Cheap Halloween Trick

This real incident happened a couple of years back during my hay days of flying. Those were the days when the time span between the thought of having a vacation to being on a plane was as short as 3 hours!!

Anyways, Maddy and I decided one fine evening that we would go to Houston the next morning to apply for a Schengen visa. The number of flights between Dallas and Houston are more frequent than the number of times my BlackBerry beeps for a new email. So, we decided to fly and we paid only $90 pp to get to Houston Hobby (the smaller airport in Houston). We got done with our work at the embassy and then we came back to Hobby.

The ticket counter had Halloween decor - pumpkins and ghosts and what not. The ticket agent was wearing a lanyard which read 'Happy Halloween', 'Trick or Treat?', etc. I was tempted to say 'Why dont you treat us to a free flight to Dallas?'. There were 2 seats left on the next flight out of Hobby and the ticket price was around $250 pp. The flight after that was sold out. Needless to say, we were only exploring the options on American Airlines. But, after all those days of flying, your first instinct is to bend the system. A few minutes later after thinking 'out of the pumpkin', I asked the ticket agent 'Are we allowed to buy a ticket going out of Houston International Airport and fly standby out of Hobby?'. Mind you, we were already in Houston Hobby. I got a very dirty stare (which still haunts me in my dreams sometimes) but she had to tell the truth "Technically, yes". She checked the fare and the ticket price out of Houston International was still $90 pp.

I waited till she printed out the boarding passes while shaking her head in disbelief. Then, I told her "You wanted a trick. I gave you one". She responsed, rather friendly (so I like to think), "Now, get out of here and dont cause any more trouble!"

PJs ...

1. Why was Jagjit Singh chosen as the brand ambassador for Hummer?

2. How did Sonia Gandhi feel when Manmohan Singh became Prime Minister?

3. What is the Italian phrase for Tit for Tat ... more of a give and take ?

A Jab at Hijab

The hijab (i.e., veil worn by Muslim women) has become a controversial issue for various reasons in the past few weeks. Jack Straw said recently that the muslim veil is a hindrance to cultural integration in Britain. Yesterday, on the other end of the globe, a Muslim cleric named Sheikh Taj el-Din al-Hilali expressed an opinion at the other end of the spectrum comparing women without hijab to uncovered meat. Wah Taj! Kya idea hai. Personally, I am not on either side of the veil which makes my stance "on the veil" because both of them are oversimplifying the issues. Just like all my other blogs, this one too is on a lighter veil..oops..sorry....lighter vein. I am no mind reader, but I am taking a veil guess ...oops ...sorry...wild guess here that the cleric would be strictly opposed to the 3 piece beach suit (hat, sunglasses and sandals)

Lets get these two guys to have a debate and not let them out of the room until one pre-veils over the other.

Location: Wales, UK or New South Wales, Australia
Duration: Difficult to predict
Moderator: Hugh Heffner (that should make it fun)
End Result: A law that would make the hijab mandatory for every woman or a law that would make the hijab illegal

Either way, good things are going to come out of this. Either you will have a fully integrated British society or its the end of sexual assault on women.

Your comments are veilcome

Organic News

BBC's main headline all day today has been about British doctors given the permission to do the first full face transplant. This is serious stuff, potentially giving the recipients social acceptance, better quality of life and so on. The idea of transplants is old now but a face transplant alters the born identity of the recipient. I will let it be somebody's else headache to deal with identity & security issues that comes with this type of transplant.

MJ would have been the saddest person today. He would be going "Damn! I should have just waited for a white guy to be almost dead". Can you imagine a 70 year old getting a face transplant from a 30 year old? What a disappointment for the lady when he pops the blue pill. I wouldnt mind getting a face transplant from a female it if means I dont have to ever shave my face again in my life!

Anyways, the transplant debate reminds me of some catch phrases on DART buses to promote organ donor awareness in Dallas

"Organ donors are better livers"
"Have a change of heart. Be an organ donor"

What would you come up with? How about

"Being an organ donor is a no-brainer" (slightly insensitive, I know)
"Can you lend your ear? You dont even have to listen"
"Wanna be a kidney donor? Ur In!!"

DON-e-Mat

If you didnt figure out from the title of this blog that you should avoid going to Don at all costs, let me make a Re-DON-dent statement. The Re-make of DON has definitely put a dent in Farhan Akhtar's career as a director. If Dil Chahta Hai was the dawn (pun intended, duh!) of a new era, then DON is definitely the dusk of that era. If Lakshya was about finding oneself 20000 feet above ground level, DON is about losing himself 20000 feet below the rock bottom of the sea bed. Maybe the young director would be better off as Farhan Actor from now on. I used to admire Farhan Akhtar, until DON and I continue to hate SRK. The movie is non-Rukh Khan. To make it worse, its times 2, sometimes in the same frame! Let me not sound all negative. The 'Khaike paan banaraswala' song is simply amazing and the production is very slick! Now, the negatives
-> Kareena simply has no Charisma. I dont like comparisons even though its a remake. But, does she thinks she can pull a Helen? Hell,no!
-> Boman Irani thinks he is Boman Armani. No chase is impossible for him in a fine suit and tie
-> Isha Koppikar looks like Isha, the Kuppaikari (Translation for non-sambars: Isha,, the garbagewali)
-> Don can do a skydive with no pro equipment and steer himself better than Schumacher. Jo g mein aaya wo kar deta hain!

Anyways, its a very don-ting task to sit through the movie. Don ko pasand karna mushkil hi nahi, naa mumkin hain! CON would be a more appropriate name for the movie. There better not be a " Don - The chase begins all over again" anytime soon

Alright, alright, alright...I havent forgotten that this is a site dedicated for PJs. So, here are a few PJ Qs inspired by the movie

1. Who is Don's mom?

2. Who is Don's dad? ( You need to think like a Tam or a Londoner to get this)

3. What is Don's password?

4. Whats Don's favorite city?

5. What would be Don's name if he were a fashion designer?

6. What is Don's hiding place?

7. What would you call an ignorant Don?

8. What does Don have for breakfast?

Bundar at INSEAD

As Bundar approaches the end of his INSEAD life, I thought I would write a little something in Bundar's honor. Bundar always loved French and he would spare no opportunity to show off that he was a de-hard louver of the French. For example, he insisted that Rang de Basanti was a French movie as anything with a de had to be French (Charles de Gaulle, for example). Inspired by RdB, Bundar MIG-rated as a spy (Insead-er) to unearth the French Connection. His biggest challenge has been to deal with 6 week periods, which is a completely new concept to him. It would be tough for any guy, for that matter. With just 1 more period to go, Bundar is experiencing all symptoms of manopause. The irony of Bundar's situation is that he will "stay free" once he is done with the final period. His new conspiracy theory is that FCUK is a society inspired by the English Channel. He hopes to continue his inseader-er work in London. We wish him all the best.

Celebrity Publishers

1. What would Phil Collins be better known as if he was a wedding musician?

2. What if Faith Hill loved raw burgers?

3. What would be the name Larry Elison's publishing house?

4. What would be name of Penguin books if Morgan Freeman purchased it?

Answers are in the comments

Yo! MKG

You da inspiration for today, mon!

1. Why did Gandhiji like "black" coffee?

2. Which type of coffee did Gandhiji like when he grew older?

3. Which type of coffee did Gandhiji never like?

4. What was the secret of Gandhi's energy?

5. What was Gandhiji's happiest month of the year?

6. What if Gandhiji had ended up a music director?

7. (This one is for people who know Tam) Why did Gandhiji like PJs?


Post your answers in the comments

Hearsay ... Here I say

A few borrowed orginals

Manopause: When a guy gets hot flashes

Is it be-ghar or beggar?

George Bush's blog site: dubya dubya dubya dot dubya dot com

iPadu: Tam mp3 player

Pehala PJs

My original PJs for the day

1) A Tamilian was caught by the US troops in Afghanistan. The newspaper headlines read "Curdish Rebel caught by US troops".

2) Rajnikanth was announced as the successor of Osama. The insurgents are now known as Thalaibans.

3) After massive success under the leadership of Rajnikanth, Thalaibans have managed to recapture Iraq and promptly renamed the country to "Iruqqu"

4) George Dubya's Yahoo Messenger screen name is "I'M Bush".